Things I've Learned in 2010

Goodness.

Yes I know it's like 2 in the morning, but I really have a case of Insomnia and I can't get to sleep. So, I made some Crystal Light Fruit Punch, it's muy delicioso, and since it is now officially New Year's Eve,I'm going to share with you the things I learned in 2010. Here we go!

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• Don't ever give up no matter what.
• Friends are there for you in any circumstance.
• Love isn't going to appear magically if you go looking for it, you must wait and reap the benefits whenever and wherever they appear.
• If something doesn't feel right, don't do it.
• It's never too late to give someone a second chance.
• Biffles can come in many different types, but don't be afraid to look for them! ;)
• Depression hurts, yeah, but don't push yourself away from the help that is being offered.
• Your friends love you for who you are.
• And they love you as much as you love them.
• Don't limit yourself to what you think you're only capable of, push those boundaries and take a few risks!
  
• Take Chances. Make Mistakes. Get Messy.
• The fear of rejection is inevitable, don't scare yourself away from love by just this one fear, it's not worth getting scared of it over.
  
• Love your friends with all of your heart, and they will love you just as much the same back.
• DRAMA GOES EVERYWHERE. It doesn't leave after High School. (Sorry!)
• Finally, go out and have fun. Fun with friends who share similar values and interests as yourself. Yes, branch out to others, but be willing to step back and chill with friends in your own comfort zone more. They appreciate it as much as you do. I promise. ;)

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I've been through a ton this year, Dames at Sea, heartbreak and repair, All-State, UT, formation of many Biffles, a shooting, Senior Solo, Winter Guard captain, Graduation, College Life (parties and classes included), Video Games of 2010, and some of the happiest days of my life.

2010 in all has been filled with many ups and downs but all in all I say it was a great year. I've met some friends who are absolutely amazing and who I could never do anything without. I've met so many new faces and have been dealt heartbreak and happiness all minutes within each other. Life is so unexpected, but that's the beauty of it.

Who would want to go through life, knowing whats around every corner? Who would want to see that sharp up-climb coming for them, only for a steep drop into depression to await them afterwards? Why would that be fun? You see, this is what makes life exciting! We are expecting days to be utter crap, and then one of our friends takes us for frozen yogurt and laughs our cares away. Did you see that friend coming to cheer you up? I think not.

What I'm trying to say is... have fun with life. Don't let it drag you down in case you have a bad day. Your friends are always there to help you have a good time no matter what. Have faith in them and love them with all of your heart, and your sadness will soon melt away.

So, from me, Daniel Jenkins, I would like to wish you, yes you, personally, a Happy New Year in the Year 2011. Thanks for reading, and I hope 2010 was filled with many memories that you can look back upon and smile and if not, gear up for an amazing 2011, because YOU DESERVE IT! I will talk with y'all later!

Love,
Deej

P.S. My New Year's Resolution? Killer abs. And my top biffle has already promised to help me out with that! xD

PS2 Games, Biffles, Laziness OH MY!!!

Biffle Brag Blog, Day 4: Josh Martinez & Brian Chenault

Well, since these two are together, it only makes sense right?

Josh Martinez

Well, what can I say about this guy? Lol, jk, he's amazing.

I met Josh also through my friend Ronnie, and let me just say he is a great guy. He's fun, chipper, and always smiling, and he can never cease to make me laugh. His presence is like the Sun is right there with me and it makes me happy. His laugh is infectious and I can never not feel good when he's around.

What I love about Josh is how much he cares for his friends. Josh is so caring towards me and I appreciate it so much. He always wants to make me feel better and he truly makes me feel loved every time I see him.

Josh, if you are reading this, I just want to say thank you for being so amazing. I love you to death. You are always there for me, and I can never forget the amazing things you have done for me this past semester, and I hope you and Brian have a long and lasting relationship, because you deserve it. I love you.

Brian Chenault

Before I start I have to do this..... :Q <--- Don't ask, inside joke

This guy is great. He is sweet, funny, articulate, and smart. He's really a jack of all trades. This guy also can make me laugh whenever and he truly makes my life great.

Brian is a thinker. His attitudes on life and love are truly great, and I look at him during some of his problems and the way he maneuvers them is so great, so, I see him as a source of inspiration. He is always there to ask me what's wrong and always willing to listen to me whenever I have something to say.

He's been pushing me to be more open about myself and to try new things, and I appreciate his valiant efforts, and maybe one of these days I will step out of my shell, but we'll just have to see.

Brian, if you are reading this, just know that you are definitely amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You have so much going for you with your amazing and kind personality that I wouldn't be surprised how successful you become. I hope you and Josh do well together. You deserve this happiness with your personality and outlooks on life and love. I love ya!

Love you two biffles! ;)

Biffle Brag Blog, Day 3: Jessica Munoz & Chelsea Fisher

Jessica Munoz

I have to say, this is my ULTRA AMAZING BIFFLE!! I love her.

Well, this girl has been with me ever since my freshman year of High School, and she is pretty much amazing. Her personality is so infectious. She livens up every room she walks into and she truly knows how to put a smile on my face.

I miss most of our jokes whenever I'm at college. I really do. I would laugh and do the Chicken McNuggets dance (Youtube it), and people just stare at me like I'm some sort of an oddball. It really makes me kinda sad. I miss her so much. She was there to cheer me up during my depressing moments and she was there to make me laugh as we danced the nights away in the football stands.

This girl's heart is huge. She cares about her friend's, at least that's what I get, and I miss her so much when I am at UT. It makes me sad to think how I ever would've gotten through High School without her. She is my biffle. My TOP BIFFLE.

Jessica, if you are reading this, just know I want to thank you for your amazingness during High School and for everything you did for me. I love you so much and I hope you enjoy your Ke$ha CD, and I cannot wait until we go and do stuff together again! We are the best of friends! LOVE YOU!

Chelsea Fisher

"Do you think when you die it's gonna be all sugar and rainbows?" - Inside Joke, it takes too long to explain.

Oh. My. Goodness. This girl, I love so much. I have way too much fun with her whenever we are together. She has that sort of infectious sarcasm that is super hilarious. I met her through Calculus class Senior Year, and we nerded out to each other every single day. We'd freak out over Final Fantasy XIII (Going so far as to import it), and we'd play video games together and just talk. Talk like best friends should. With dirty jokes thrown all up in there of course. :P

Chelsea has a good outlook on life, I believe. She believes in being ourselves even though we think down upon ourselves, we should think of our biffles and love them and we will become happy again. (I hope I got that right). She's an amazing person who is there for me whenever I am depressed and we've been having fun Skype dates ever since I've been at college. I think about her every day and I hope she is doing well.

Chelsea, if you are reading this, I just wanna say I LOVE YOU. You are truly an inspiration to me. We've grown so close this past year, it's unbelievable. I feel I can confide anything in you and you can just hold me and give a great big hug that I love to get from you. You are beautiful Chelsea, in every way possible. You are so great to me and the love you have inside of you is amazing. I never will forget you and your amazingness, and I hope we never lose touch. <3

Biffle Brag Blog, Day 2: Alicia Jones & Taylor Morgan

Yeah, I'm doing two, so what?

Alicia Jones

This girl is my ultimate nerd buddy. No joke.

I love this girl so much. Alicia is the kind of girl who's sweet to everyone she meets and is not afraid to let her inner nerd show. She loves TRON and Transformers and she's such a nice girl when you get to know her. Her attitude is very caring and she always lets you know how much she cares about her friends. She is absolutely 100% amazing.

She also loves Silent Hill, which she has been getting me into as of recently. She even let me borrow Silent Hills 1 - 4. I was so stoked. I didn't really play many of them, but I still had fun. She and I finished the 2nd one together at a sleepover we had a couple of days ago, and I loved every minute with her. She knows just what to say, and our jokes between us never get old.

Alicia, if you are reading this, just know I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me in high school and beyond. You are truly an inspiration to me in everything you do, and I know when things look bad, sometimes you just gotta keep on trucking, so I know things'll work out. I love you so much my friend, and just keep reaching for those stars, and I'll be here to help you every step of the way.

Taylor Morgan

OH MY GOODNESS! IT'S MY ULTRA MOVIE PREMIERE BUDDY AHHHHH!!!!

Haha, but anyways, this girl is amazing as well. (All of my biffles are amazing, btw)

Taylor has that spunky personality that just says, "HELLO WORLD, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY BECAUSE I'M DOING ME AND I LIKE IT!" Her exuberance lights up every room she walks into, and she is truly a light in my life. I love her to death and I love how much she cares for all of her close buddies and the things she will do for them to show that sense of care.

Taylor is loud, but that's ok, as it goes perfectly with my sense of loudness. She's a great compliment to my overall sense of loud as well. I love Taylor, and I am glad she is one of my biffles.

Taylor, if you are reading this, just know that I am so happy things are going well for you right now, and I hope they stay this way forever. You deserve this amazingness because of your amazing personality. I hope the new year brings you much happiness because I love you so, and you will always be my #1 Premiere Buddy. ;)

I love you two!

Biffle Brag Blog, Day 1: Mary Roby

So, I've decided to start a "brag blog" for all of my biffles, where I talk about them, what I like about them, and why they are my biffle. I have 9 to go through, and if you are one of my biffles, expect, MANY MANY nice things said about you.

So, let's begin with...

Mary Roby

Oh my goodness, where do I begin with this gurl? This gurl is absolutely positively amazing, real talk.

Mary Roby is a friend of mine who I met through my friend Ronnie, but really met her through my Rhetoric / UGS class 1st Semester of Freshman Year at UT. I love this girl. She is funny, amazing, sincere, and always willing to talk about her attitudes with no trouble at all.

What I love about Mary is her way of looking at life. She is one of those people who is like "(Insert expletive here) the haters" to those who don't care, and she is always there to laugh up any awkward situations or turn the tables on a rather depressing conversation.

Like the other day, I was in Rhetoric class looking down, and she said we should go to the Dobie Mall and check out the video game store just to cheer me up. We chatted about random things whilst she tried to keep my mind off of my depression, and I love her so much for that.

She loves video games which is another boost for me, because she could be there playing Metal Gear Solid and yelling at the screen to make Snake go faster! She just lights up my life and I couldn't live without her. She's been over to my dorm on multiple occasions just to chill and hang out, and I've loved spending the quality time with such a great person.

She also teaches all about the new lingo these days. That sounds pretty bad, but she loves me all of the same when I totally slaughter some of the "hip" new words that are thrown about.

Mary, if you are reading this, just know, that I love you so much. You make my days hilarious and our adventures together seem to never end. I will always break it down with you in the hallways to "Gold Digger" as we trip on the stairs back from Rhetoric class and "break it down." I love you girl, and please let us hang out and play more Metal Gear Solid, our MGS4 stuff was really fun, now I wanna go through the whole series! You are so awesome don't let haters bring you down, just hold your head up and shank 'em like Ezio! Haha, just kidding! :P LOVE YOU!

Friends

We really take them for granted don't we?

They are there for us through the best of times and the worst of times. They are there to comfort us whenever we are feeling depressed, sad, miserable, or lonely, and truly show us what it means to just keep on moving in this crazy world. They are there to hold our hand and journey with us as we skip down the yellow brick road to each of our own "Emerald Cities." I've never really come out and said everything I like about my friends, and since I just downed a nice snack, I'm in a writing mood.

Now my friends are amazing people. They truly are. I go throughout life everyday and see some dumb people do some dumb stuff, but these people are different. They know who I am and they don't care about my faults, they just emphasize the things I am good at doing and keep me focused on them. They are there for me during my depressing times, and they try as hard as they can to turn my frown upside-down, and I appreciate them every little bit for that.

I have a lot of down times. More so than up times I do believe, however, my friends are always there to get me through these rough patches. Let's say I got a C on a paper, they offer a video game marathon that night to cheer me up, or a trip to lunch where all we do is sit, gossip, and laugh the afternoon away. It makes me feel better, and I truly believe my friends are what keeps me going in this crazy world known as college life.

BEST FRIENDS, or "biffles," as I affectionately call them, are a completely different story.

They are my life. These people are what make me keep going. These people make me strive for the next day and put on that Annie attitude and pray that the sun'll come out. I look to them for advice, friendship, or even just a hug to show how much I care for them.

If you are one of my biffles reading this, (or if not that's perfectly fine too), I just want you to know I love you with all of my heart. You mean the world to me and I could never ask for anything more. You make me happy and smile when I get the smallest funny text message from you that brightens my day. Since love is seemingly not so great of an option at the present, you are what keeps me going. You are amazing and I couldn't live without you. Yeah, sure, it sounds hokey and corny, but it's the truth. I love my biffles as if I was born and raised with them like brothers and sisters. They'll always hold the biggest place in my heart.

I took a personality quiz on Facebook today.

It told me my aura was blue, (LUCARIO!?!?!), and that I was the most compassionate person in the world, and I'm here to give love, bring it, and spread it. Well, ain't it the truth? I thrive on relationships with people and they are what holds a high notch in my goals. Yeah, grades and money are important, but I feel as though relationships are the biggest thing that I want to strengthen as I go through life, because even if I fall off of the tightrope, a safety net is always nice. :)

Friends, Best Friends, Biffles, they all share one common thing. Care. We care about others and how they are doing, otherwise, how would we be friends with people if all we did was not care? I cannot think of any reason.

And Biffles, if you are reading this, don't worry, the amount of love and care I have for you is to infinity and beyond. ;)

Metal Gear Solid!!! Oh, and some other stuff...

Oops!...I Did It Again!

Before you read, this is not going to be a sunshine lollipops and rainbows post, just because the title is all fun and stuff. It's going to be depressing.... ONCE AGAIN. You have been forewarned.



Well, I have officially done it again. Deej is once again in a dark, mustering, deep state of depression. And you know what? The situation is the same as before, and I am not even joking. Another one of those build you up moments life throws at you, only for you to realize later that the pitcher threw the ball a little too fast and nailed you right in the face. It seems like every time I go up to bat, I get built up just to get nailed in the face, but I get granted a walk anyways, which seems to ease it out of me, in the form of my best friends. At least they are there to cheer for me no matter what...

Now, I'd rather not go into details about things as of late, because it is a very touchy subject, but just know that all it was was me liking someone and then my hopes and dreams were crushed. That's all. That's all I really want to divulge at the moment, as it is still pretty personal to me anyways.

Oh well, what am I going to do now? Give up? That seems like the more reasonable solution, I mean, it seems life can't ever give me a break... This doesn't help the whole "try and try to fail" scenario I mentioned earlier, and doesn't go to help my self-esteem anyways. Now, my self-esteem has hit Rock Bottom, and no, not from a return trip from "Glove World," mind you.

I try everyday to look up, and as of recently I was looking upwards, high towards the sky, aiming high and flying just as high as I could, but the Icarus inside myself got the better of me, and I plummeted down, down, down. However, for me, I didn't get a Sea named after me, which I think would've cushioned the blow in the long run.

I love my friends so much. You have no idea. They help me get through the rough patches like now, but sometimes I think there are tons that I have to sort out myself... stuff I need to overcome and look past in order to aim high for the future, but, as soon as I did, it decides to happen again, complete with a "MERRY FRICKIN' CHRISTMAS" attached to the label of this "happy" gift.

Ah well, it seems I'll never be able to catch a break in this world, as I'm just bound to live in depression. EVERY time I look up, it slaps me across the face from dreaming too high, and I go back to my bedroom not even wanting dinner that night. Nowadays, I just want to sit and cry,but whenever I cry, it seems no tears want to flow. It's like I want to cry, and have every reason to, but I just can't. It's basically dry heaving with crying... I'm not joking.

Sure you can laugh all of this post up and be like "Oh Deej try again..." but it's like trying again at one of my crazy video games, after my "3rd times a charm rule," it's pretty much done. At least now I learned something.

My heart will always be worn on my sleeve, but now it seems I need to pull it up higher and closer to me, so it doesn't get broken every. single. time.

Ah well, Merry Christmas, Daniel, and a Happy New Year. My New Year's Resolution you ask? Try desperately not to fall too head over heels again.

Life's a Beach, and I'm Getting Swamped by Waves...

Hey everybody!

Wow, well, haven't I been a terrible person recently? I'm sorry to anyone who was looking forward to a new chapter in the "Daniel Saga" this last week. I just wasn't feeling a blog entry at the moment. Now, as I am on my Asian Religion Final Study Break, I might as well start up a blog post... so, here I go!

It is currently December 7th 2010, and I am sitting in my room trying to study for my Asian Religion Final tomorrow at 2 PM. It's gonna be a fun afternoon, because these terms are probably going to be taking over my life for the next 24 hours, hopefully I'll have some study breaks thrown in there, haha!

Doesn't studying suck?

It's like, every time you want to study, a song pops into your head, or, you think about something that you forgot to do and it keeps eating away at your mind every single time you try to go back to study. It's absolutely terrible... UGH! That's been happening to me a lot recently, and it annoys the crazy out of me to the point where I wanna just scream..... into a pillow of course, my voice travels enough as it is.

Anyways, who wants to talk about Depression!?!?!?

Well, it's really not all that bad recently. I have gotten so much better about it all over the last week. It's just every time I'm about to go to bed, my mind starts to wander, and within that wandering, it gets to the depressing stuff. The stuff about unattractiveness and weakness starts to set in, and I reach the ever-present conclusion that I will never find love. I try as hard as I can to push these thoughts away and think about things like video games are the like, but I just never can... it makes me incredibly irritated... but there's just like nothing I can do...

My depression comes and goes like the waves on a beach. They get really high and my depression peaks to the point where I'm literally going to crash myself. Sometimes, it's a calm day and I can run around and splash about with some casual waves just slightly tugging at the bottom of my heels with its undertow. However, ever since I've been at college, it's been the former. My depression has peaked on multiple occasions to the point where I just don't even wanna go to the beach, because

1. I'll burn
2. I don't look that great in a swimsuit
3. Those waves would kill me

However, even those moments when I do decide to take a chance, nothing helps me, and I end up drowning in my own ocean.

Anyways, I tell myself that "Daniel, you need to take a chance today, no matter what, you must run out there and face those waves with a sense of determination." But see, I tell myself this every morning before I head off to that beach, and I get swamped EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It's like no matter how big of a surfboard I buy, I will always fall flat on my face and end up scraping myself on the coral that grows just below me.

Wow, happy metaphor there wasn't it? >.<

Me and love aren't on good terms right about now. I wish it could be better, and once again, I tell myself everyday that I must look forward to the future, but as of now... it becomes bleak, faded, and full of mystery.

Plus, who would like me with all of this baggage they see me with if they would ever read this blog? Yeah, I may be nice, but I just wish someone would see me as attractive, and if not now... I guess I just have to keep on waiting, (Waiting). Waiting on the World to Change.

But as I know the World doesn't like to change for me. I'm a depression prone individual who doesn't like confrontation and who secretly vows for love but can never end up grabbing it in the process or making something out of himself. Should I just stop trying?

I can hope I find the answer to this one soon.

As of right now, I'm just gonna try to avoid the beach altogether, but maybe take a chance if someone wants to come alongside me and tell me that everything's going to be alright.

Depression... disgrace...

Why is it whenever I look into the mirror I see nothing but total ugliness staring me back in the face?

I can't see anything but ugliness. It's like a disease that I can't seem to shake... It comes in waves that I cannot go over. Why can't I seem to shake it? WHAT THE MESS IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! Am I dumb? Wait, don't answer that, I know the answer is yes...

My TIP Mentor gave me a little sheet that said "You can't learn to love others until you love yourself." Yeah. But where does that get me. I can't love myself until I know that at least one person in this world sees me as attractive. That's what's wrong with me. I KNOW I am unattractive and there is nothing that will change my mind of that....

Why am I on a high of happiness, and whenever I get on this high I get killed by others because they beat me down because of my sarcasm. I can /never/ be happy, can I? I try to be sweet, but I fail...

Whatever happens...... I. just. fail. I don't think I can expand on my point anymore than just that.... I. just. fail.

Does talking really make it better?

Well, I've done it again. I've officially buried myself into a deep hole of depression. I don't comprehend how I end up doing it after I seem to just get over it. Life just isn't on my side this year. My friends have tried to help, help, and help some more, but it seems like it's not working for me. I feel like I'm just pushing them off with my witty and snide comebacks and I feel like I'm losing friends... I feel like they don't like me anymore.

Daniel's super-ultra-crush spectacular decided to return again. Except for this one (different guy) I've actually talked to him. A very, very, very, very short talk, mind you, but a talk nonetheless I guess...

My friends have been pressuring me to flirt to my fullest extent, but I mean, come on. I can't flirt to save my life. I end up either being total oblivious to the other person's feelings, or becoming so into someone that my vision clouds and I eventually learn the fact that "He's just not that into me."

So, I've /almost/ given up on trying to go after these potential relationships. Why, you may ask? It's because I know I will fail... I /know/ for certain I will fail this time miserably and end up crushing over someone again that doesn't feel anything for me...

Why must my life be like this? It builds me up just to knock me down. Nowadays, after getting that blow to the face, I'm tempted to just lay there and cry. Looking at that situation, crying never really helps, does it? (Well, for me anyway.)

It just makes you feel worse. "A good cry" doesn't exist within my vocabulary as I see it as not getting me anywhere. So, "cries" are just.... well.... "cries." I end up falling deeper into depression after crying... so crying is essentially futile to me. I don't want to get up because soon as I get up, another uppercut is thrown and I am falling headfirst into another deep state of depression.

Why would anyone like me with all of this emotional baggage anyways? I'm beating myself up every day about how dumb and scrawny I am... If anyone reads this post they probably think I'm a total nut job who needs SERIOUS mental help. But I don't think it's that bad... It's just feelings of unattractiveness, helplessness, and under-connfidence that I can never seem to shake.

Truth is, I don't think I ever will get over these feelings. One small thing is ruining my days now. I am letting insignificant things and people get the better of me, and it hurts. There's nothing I can do about it, I just want to lament on how dumb I am.

My friend gave us the idea of a "brag" journal, but knowing me, I'll find nothing to brag on myself about. I already see myself as dumb, nerdy, etc. So in effect, the whole thing would be pointless.

Oh well, I must get going to Classical Mythology... then UGS.... and then packing for home tomorrow... Let's hope my friends back home can bring me out of this sour mood...

Pet Peeves...

Howdy y'all! I hope you all had amazing weeks.

You know... I just wanted to share some of my pet peeves and wonder what some of y'all think? Why am I asking for y'all to respond? I do not know, honestly, haha!

Anyways, my pet peeves are as follows...

1. Bragging - Even though I am a hypocrite and I do it sometimes, I HATE it when people brag incessantly about things. It really doesn't make me feel good about what I have and it just gets on my nerves.

2. Nails on chalkboards or other miscellaneous screechy noises. - Self-explanatory.

3. People telling me someone likes me and don't tell me who - I HATE HATE HATE HATE this one. This one really gets on my nerves because it makes me hope for those relationships that I never have... UGH! Anyways...

4. Thinking people like me, and then people shooting me down whenever I confess my feelings about people -This has happened like a bajillion times this past half of a year... UGH, can I please just escape this? Oh well, guess not.

Well, there's probably a billion other one's I am thinking about, but I just can't list them off now, haha! Anyways, have great weekends y'all! Sorry this one's so short.

~Deej

Not my last post?? WHA!?

HEY Y'ALL!!

Well, I gave in to my desires, and yes I am doing this blog more! Yay?

This week is SUUUUUPER stressful. I have so much work to worry about and so many things I need to address before Thanksgiving rolls around. I am excited for Thanksgiving, don't get me wrong, it's just I have finals in Asian Religion and Mythology to worry about. AND I have an Astronomy test TOMORROW which I am ultra cramming for at the moment.

I got Karaoke Revolution: Glee. Honestly, I swear I cannot put that thing down. I have now made it a rule that I must sing one song after Asian Religion and before Rhetoric just to get it all out of my system. I tried singing "And I am telling you, I'm not going," and I didn't do so hot. Oh well, I'm having fun right?

Well, let's talk about love, the topic I always seem to focus on, haha!

I have almost accepted the fact that I can't rush love. No matter how much I beg and plead to give me a relationship, I must wait. That's all I can do. My biffle came up with a good point that I must wait and I will find someone. Yeah, I know my whole "how soon is soon" thing will come into play here, but I have just owned up to the fact that I must wait for love!

Anyways, I'm lazy, so I'll probably do another video... I like those a lot. Have good weeks y'all!

My Last Official Journal Entry (for now?)

Wow y'all. This is probably my last official journal entry.

It seems like yesterday I was explaining the fruits of my hard work and how my college life was beginning to bloom, and I can safely say, why yes, it certainly has!

Sure, I've had my downs this past semester. I've had plenty to detract from my days. Remember that statement earlier saying my October was terrible? Truly, October was pretty good. I just let stupid, insignificant things ruin my days and I couldn't let them go. I was trying to be something I wasn't. I was trying to be sexy, trying to be funny, and yes, probably even trying to be pitiful.

I've learned so much these past few months.

1. Your friends are there for you. No matter what.
2. Go out and have some fun. Don't study all of the time.
3. You make new friends every second of the day. (Well, not literally)
   
4. Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy (Thanks, Ms. Frizzle)
   
5. And always let any of your friends come over because you are definitely strengthening relationships through all of those interactions.

It's crazy how these things play out. You go by day to day thinking no one really cares. But in fact, they really do. People care tremendously about their own friends. They feel concern for their friends when they are depressed and people really try to help you no matter what you are feeling, whether it be depression or feelings of unattractiveness.

I would only push these people away and never give them any thought as to how they could help me. I thought they couldn't understand, but in fact, they did.

Wow, emotional stuff there, Deej.

Anyways, I'm doing a survey for UGS and it's pretty stressful. I'm about ready to pull my hair out. We have to get 250 people to take it before the project is due. UGH!

My classes today dragged on per usual for a Monday. I had a good amount of events happen today. Some good, some bad, some just "meh." Overall though, I think I had a good day. And I'm not afraid to admit it this time. I'm not scared that some divine happening will occur and make my day tomorrow terrible. I know I just had a good day today.

As for relationships.... well...... that is still a very touchy issue for me at the moment. I have gotten better about forgetting about my crush. It's been weaning away slowly but surely. I'm sure Wednesday's coffee will have something to say about that, but as of right now I am content with relationships. Yeah, I'm looking every single day for one, but I'm just waiting for the right person that I have stuff in common with.

Yes, I know opposites attract and likenesses repel, but it's what we have in common with others that brings us together anyway. Those awkward moments on elevators are relieved whenever someone brings up the terrible weather and everyone laughs a laugh of relief and shares their own experiences.

I guess I need to be that guy. I need to talk to people and break that ice that has been giving me trouble. It will just take time for me to. And if I don't look good today, who cares? It's my style right? I shouldn't change myself to get people to notice me if that is not my true self. That's a philosophy I live on constantly.

Well, who knows bloggers of the world? I may come back and update this for one /last/ journal entry for my final entry, but this is the last entry I need to have for a class. It seems weird that only 3 months ago I was freaking out about missing my friends... time flies I guess.

Well, I must be off. If anyone has read, enjoyed, or taken anything out of this, just know that I am very glad you sat down and actually read all of my random ramblings about college life.

If I leave you with anything, it will be a cheesy and hokey line from a poem I love, and don't pretend you don't like them!

"With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it's still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." - Desiderata

See you later y'all.

~Daniel ;D

Life Is What You Make It

Well hi there, blog people.

It's definitely been a while since my last update, and the last one was a depressing one to say the least.

I've learned so much from that day it is not even funny. Friends clamored to my side to tell me how amazing I was, and offered their own advice on the situation, and I truly did feel loved. I kept beating myself about things that I could control, like my personal body image. Like most of my friends say, if you see yourself as attractive, others will too.

I'm in a good mood now.

Life has decided to climb back up little by little since last post. I've had too much fun with friends and I've met so many new people throughout my new club I am a part of, and I've definitely started some friendships that will probably last a good long time.

I finished a Rhetoric essay that was due on Monday, and I'm starting an Asian Religion essay here shortly that's due on Wednesday. It was just one of those work/relax Saturdays!

I went with my friend Kristen to get some Bubble Tea and some Vegan dishes, and they were pretty good. Knowing me, I'm not the best with the vegetarian stuff, but this stuff was AMAZING. The bubble tea was not bad either.

Anyways, I'll probably do another video, but this one will be a little more lighthearted I suppose! Hope y'all have great Sundays!

Depression...

I cried last night. I cried for almost an hour straight.

I sat in my bed, pounding myself with insults about how stupid I was, how insecure I was, and how I was never going to find love. My roommate tried to comfort me in my solemnity, but it was to little avail. I had already convinced myself that I'm a total loser and that only certain people see me romantically... I then convinced myself to just try to forget about it, and I drifted off to sleep, with a few tears along the way.

I dreamt about him. The one I crushed over...

I had a dream that I confessed my feelings for him and he felt the same way. We were in a relationship, and he loved me for who I was.

I have never been as happy as I was in that dream in a very long time.

I awoke in a random spot within my dream, and stared at my red-lighted alarm clock showing me 9:00 AM. I stared at the ceiling and felt like sobbing and screaming, why must this happen to me?

I'm so pathetic. I dream about falling in love someone I haven't even said two words to... I usually ask God to give me good dreams as I sleep, but I felt this was more of a joke by my subconscious.

I'm dreaming over someone whom I haven't even met fully, and who probably totally thinks I'm an utter creeper. I'm actually being a creeper, something I've never wanted to be in my whole life. I'm dreaming about someone who probably doesn't share the same feelings as me.

I look and see if people judge me all of the time. I see the looks on their faces as they pass me. They take a quick look, look away, and sometimes I catch either a smile (RARELY) or nothing at all. Now I know this is contradicting myself because that would mean people don't care how I look, but I'm scared.

I'm so scared of what people think.

I walk down these roads to classes thinking about what I'm wearing, saying, and even how I'm walking. I've been faced with way too much backlash in my life and I should be not focusing on it anymore. But I can't help it, it feeds the fire.

And now to know that I'm being super ultra creeper and making my image go down is incredibly worse. I know people care about me, and EVERYONE tries to make sure I feel ok in the end, but I never can. I end up right back into these realms of depression that I cannot crawl out of.

I'm putting on a Persona for others whilst I go to classes. No one will understand what I'm going through, (I'm not offing myself by the way), and it feels like whenever I crush over someone it takes me a while to get over it, only to have it slapped in my face once more.

I don't believe in perfect days anymore.

There's always that one thing that pulls me down. There is one thing weighing on my mind that kills me, one thing I cannot shake no matter how hard I try, and one thing that will bother me.... always.

When will these bad days end? Sure, you might say, "Daniel, stop beating yourself up, you are amazing and I promise things will get better for you and your love life. You will meet somebody soon."

I ask you this one small thing however, WHAT DEFINES THE WORD "SOON!?" I hate to be desperate, which I've already filed myself under that category by the way, but I'm about to just flat out give up on love. Let's face it, I'm...

• Socially awkward at meeting others
• Unattractive
• A Nerdzilla

Ah well, we'll see where this takes me in the end... watch the video I added to learn more.

This is Halloween, full of ups and downs...

Well, where do I begin?

What is it about me that makes me so darn not prone to any relationships whatsoever? Every single time I look for a relationship or am pressed with the opportunity to get one, I fail. Yeah, it's gonna be another eventful blog post.

It all started Friday night. I was playing video games with my friend and suddenly I get a call asking to go out. Now, I had plans to go out Saturday, but under much coaxing, I succumbed. We ended up going to a "Zombie" themed party, and they were giving out zombie face paint, and alcoholic beverages littered the area like clouds in a mostly cloudy sky. The thing is though, whilst everyone else was having a good time... I didn't drink, I didn't dance, and the only thing I did get done was get my face painted to look like a zombie. That turned into a trip to a local club, where I danced for a good amount of time, and had an overall "meh" day. Why can't my days ever be totally awesome? I always feel as though I don't realize how truly great days are, there's just always that ONE THING.

So this afternoon I went with some friends to pick up more items for my costume. It went well, but I felt like I was only connecting with a few. I felt left out. Yes, I'm sorry this has come up again, but it did, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's inescapable for me. After spending an ungodly amount of money getting things for me, I finally came back to my room and relaxed until a friend came over and we got ready for Halloween.

6th Street was a mess. Crowds littered the street, dressed like "slutty" Disney characters or psychotic clowns. You could barely walk, and I mean, yeah it was interesting and all, but I didn't see the fun in all of it... By the way, no one recognized my costume besides my friends.... NO ONE.

So, we end up going back to the club I went to on Friday night. As we are getting are dance on, I feel someone "grinding" up on me. Me, being the sheepish, innocent one that I am, back off and try to understand what he was saying. I didn't know what to do. So this person ends up grinding on my friend, all the while telling him how cute and shy I am. REALLY? I finally see someone that seems to show a little smidgen of interest in me, and I back away. My friends were asking me after our club experience why I didn't dance back and take advantage of the situation. I personally did not know. I couldn't answer them. And there I was again, the awkward loser who can't make anything out of a social situation.

Also, WHY, for the love of God, right when I am having a good time, I have to see him. The one person, who caused me at least days of grief back in September, I see walk into the club. My friend tells me that he walked in, and my expression changed. I didn't want to have this happen. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want these memories of awkwardness to creep back into my life and take a tight grip on me like they always have. However, the memories' grip was too strong. My feelings of awkwardness I had put aside had returned, and now, nothing was going to stop me from being depressed. Yes, before you ask, many looks were exchanged between the two of us, some I couldn't tell if he was looking at me, but I know a couple of times I caught him looking at me. WHY must life punish me like this?

Heading back after a very awkward last half of the night at the club, we end us waiting for the E-Bus. The sort of bus that karts away the drunkards back to their dorms so they can sleep and wake up with the hangovers they have accumulated throughout the night. The doors getting into the bus were like zombies fighting over brains in a young human. Drunk college kids were pushing, shoving, knocking others, and doing whatever was possible to get into the bus. As the ensuing chaos raged on, I mulled over many topics in my mind, as I am right now typing this entry.

Why is it that there always has to be one thing that ruins my day? Why do I always think sunshine when all I am going to get in the end is sunshine with a sudden downpour? Awkwardness is my weakest point, I admit that. But WHY does it have to get in the way of everything.... EVERYTHING?!?!

Oh well, I have much studying to do tomorrow, and hopefully I will not run into this problem again as I am looking over Mythology notes.

Goodnight everyone, and Happy Halloween.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

Don't worry, my birthday was amazing.

Hello Blog people of the world! I'm so sorry I haven't written in here in so very long, I've been busy with my birthday and homework that I never got time!

Anyways, it was my birthday on Saturday and I really had the best birthday ever, seriously. I rented out the game room of my dorm and held a little "shin-dig" in it, and a lot of my close friends came over and we had a great time! We played pool, listened to music, played a dismal (but ADDICTING) card game called "Gloom," where you use the happy event cards to make the other player's cards happy, whilst making your cards miserable with sad event cards. It's a very confusing concept, but it is super fun, I promise.

So, I got some birthday money from my parents so I bought used games from Resurrected Games, a local shop in Austin. I bought Unison for Ps2, which is a funky rhythm game which I am liking little by little. I also got Viewtiful Joe, a great side-scrolling beat-'em-up with great graphics for Gamecube, and PN.03, a shooter with flashy moves and a rocking soundtrack. All in all, I think Viewtiful Joe was my best purchase of all of them.

Anyways, enough of my rambling over nerd stuff! Everyone was super nice at my birthday party! We watched "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and played video games until 6 AM, and then we crashed. I woke up at like 9 AM just to do laundry, and then stayed up. So in effect, later on today I totally was falling asleep in my Astronomy class.

Love is still on the background of my mind, and I have seen a ton of people that are super attractive, and some potential relationships, but knowing me, I'll never initate them though, haha! Oh well, I do what I must!

Anyways, I hope you all have great weeks and, YAY that I'm nineteen!!

Peanut Butter + Chocolate = Heaven

Yes, that title is very accurate.

Well hello y'all! How are y'all doing this fine Wednesday? I totally am in a good mood because I got an 84 on my Asian Religion paper, 95.7 on my Astronomy Test, and I destroyed (in a good way) my Rhetoric paper!

I spent most of today in class, as usual. Class seemed to drag on for hours on end, and it was never ending. My days have gotten infinitely better. I totally have forgotten about those terrible ideas about love and I guess life is good!!

Well, my birthday is on SATURDAY!! I'm really excited and cannot wait to get that day underway. I have a good amount of stuff planned, so hopefully it's an absolutely amazing 19! Wow, I just got a killer headache right now... UGH. TYLENOL!

Anyways, coffee night is tonight. Wish me luck tonight y'all in all of my endeavors with everybody! Hope y'all have marvelous weekends, because I know I sure will!

Lazy Day Saturday!

Aren't Saturday's supposed to be not very stressful?

This Asian Religion midterm is definitely going to kick my butt. I am studying for it and and Astronomy test on Wednesday, and I also probably need to get started looking up things for a Rhetoric paper due next next week. College is really endless.

Well, my depression has finally started to subside. If I get depressed at all it's just a short fit which I usually can snap out of in a couple of moments. Being depressed is no fun, no fun at all. You don't feel like talking, you just want to sit, contemplate your life, listen to sad music, and cry. You never let anyone come into your world and talk, and you just push them aside and say, "I want to be alone."

But, the key to depression is to talk to someone about it. It's certainly not fair for you to just sulk without talking to anyone about it. Talking is the best thing we can do for each other, and empathizing with someone is always a good idea so they can be happy again. My friends helped me out so much, they tried to make me happy and take me out, and I guess it worked.

For anyone that is depressed, all I have got to say is to stay strong, and let your friends help you out. That's what they're there for. If they won't, why do you have those friends in the first place!?

Anyways, I'd best be getting back to some super amazing Asian Religion. Oh, Buddhism, how confusing you inherently are.

P.S. Asian Religion joke: "What did the Buddha say when he was ordering his hot dog?" "One with everything."

I swear I told that joke to everyone after I heard it, and 2% of them actually got it. Goodness, I'm such a nerd.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired...

Well, tonight was Coffee Night. It stirred up many emotions within me as 10:00 inched nearer, and I even let depression rear its ugly head into my day today.

So yeah, my day was very mediocre. Nothing great, and nothing too terribly bad, that is, unless we want to talk specifics, then we can talk about me almost dozing off in my Astronomy and Asian Religion classes. I was definitely tired this morning, and I don't know why. Perhaps it was this attack of depression, or my insane workload, I'm really not so sure.

Well, it could also be considered a bad day in that I was pretty much depressed all day. Today was the onslaught of the feelings of unattractiveness, feeling fat, and worthlessness. Once again, I AM NOT PLANNING ON KILLING MYSELF. It may seem like these depression things may push me over the edge, but trust me, that's an extremely stupid, selfish, dangerous, dumb thing to do. Anyways, I looked into the mirror and saw a nerd with bad acne and a big belly that no one I thought would see as attractive. I just sighed and laid on my bed browsing the Internet for anything that would keep me off of the subject of the ever-presence of love depression.

Depression is just one of those things I have to live with I guess. I didn't get it this badly since Junior Year, but Junior Year was much worse. I felt extremely dumb Junior Year and I tried to put on a happy face and roll with the punches, but I got knocked down, flat on my butt, every single time. Usually, someone would say a passing remark about what happened to me, and my face would just drop. My casual care-free smile would turn into a giant frown. My happiness would leave for its lunch break and never tell me when it would "return." As a result, my friends quickly changed subjects or ignored the topic whenever that person's name came up. It was too much for me to bear, plus my attitude towards myself was dwindling into nothingness as time went on.

However, I persevered and got through it. It took me a VERY long time to, mind you, but I left with a sense of accomplishment whenever I did get over it finally. However, one passing awkward glance or stare in the hallway would send my day plummeting. My days were never good when I saw them, as I always felt that awkwardness and heated tension whenever we were in the same room. My friends tried to mediate conversations, and I appreciate them for that, but neither of us were going to talk. The awkwardness was just too overpowering to bear, and both of us just wanted none of the other, of course, for different reasons.

Now, I may be getting into too many specifics, and I don't want to give away any names or locations, so I shall leave the story at that. The rest can be pieced together if you read my other blog posts. I'm sorry I'm not being very nice, but I feel as though my experiences would be somewhat disrespectful to the person I'm talking about. And I have been trying as hard as humanly possible to get back where we once were as best friends.

The worst part is though, both of my guy best friends I've lost to the same exact cause... that's what kills me.

It just seems I can never have a guy best friend in my life. They always fall out of place with me, never speak to me again, or just ignore me. I don't know what I do wrong in this world. I always try to be nice, polite, and courteous, but it is always thrown back in my face. It comes off as awkward I guess, and apparently, in this society when you are polite, you're a creeper, and when you're rude, you are just a bad person. That's how these teenage lifestyles work. Yeah, maybe my polite thing is cute, but I seriously don't think so.

So back to Coffee, two friends of mine came and dragged me when I was just ready to sit down and watch Moulin Rouge whilst crying and nibbling on chocolate. In retrospect, I can say I definitely had a better time than last week, but I couldn't stop thinking of myself as unattractive to others. However, the frequency of traded glances with that person were less though this week, so I think I am starting to get over that person. Here's hoping, Here's hoping BIG TIME.

Well, tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully it can be a good one, so I can finally walk to class again jamming out to music from Glee.

I'm a Libra, but I sure as heck am not balanced!

Oh goodness. So much to do, so little time.

-- Rhetoric HW
-- Component 2 for UGS
-- Mythology Readings
-- Astronomy Readings
-- Asian Religion Midterm Monday

UGH! It's endless.

Anyways, yes, I know last time's post was long, and I do plan on making this one long as well. A good bit has happened since then.

You know, I think it's funny how people can tell when I am totally down in the dumps. It seems like everyday I apparently enter with a feeling of how life is amazing and everything should be sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops. I bring smiles to people's faces and I guess I have a happy aura always surrounding me. That Thursday after coffee night, EVERYONE could tell something was up, EVERYONE could tell I was down in the dumps about it, and EVERYONE tried to make sure I was okay. Seeing how I definitely was not "okay," my friends took me out for Ice Cream at J2, and tried infinitely to make sure I had a good time. Whilst there, I told them what was up and they read my blog entry. They all took turns reassuring me, and it felt nice to know how much people care about me actually.

Also, I went out with some friends to Wal-Mart on Saturday, they got video games whilst I finally bought some Nutella. You guys, you have not LIVED until you've had Nutella. It's like chocolate amazing goodness in a jar.

Anyways, serious stuff now.

So yeah, still feeling those doubts of my own attractiveness. I certainly am absolutely dreading coffee on Wednesday, as I really hope it goes better than it did last time. Last time was pretty abysmal if I do say so myself. I feel terrible, self-conscious, and lonely in all aspects, and I seriously felt like I was a creeper. As stated before, I DREAM of that relationship that takes me to a place where I am not judged and just loved eternally, but I guess that makes me a stupid college love sick puppy in that regard.

I just never give love a chance. I never give that seed of love a chance to grow, as I'm always plucking it out of the ground because my impatience eventually sets in. Time is never on my side, as it flies too fast when I'm having fun, and it takes forever whenever I just sit down and notice it tick by.

I know friends will always be there for me in the end, but let's face it, they won't be exactly there whenever I'm in the relationship, and friends are the only thing I have that keeps me sane. There I go again, with the italicized "there." I guess I just really like using that word to describe how I feel. It's like, I'm in the situation at the present time so I am "there," but in my mind I don't feel like I belong or am wanted in the group, so I feel at times not "there." It's that sort of balancing act that I have to do, and even though I'm a Libra, (a Scorpio/Libra cusp actually), I'm definitely not balanced at all...

I just want to have fun in college. That's what it's there for right (besides mostly and mainly academics)? I can't just aimlessly keep looking for love whilst all the while being "Creepy McCreeperton" about it. I guess I need to have that initiative and start conversations, but chances are for me, that won't happen.

Anyways, let's hope Annie's right about things, because I do hope all of the time that "the Sun'll come out tomorrow..."

Oh and Annie, since I'm a broke college student, don't expect me to "bet my bottom dollar" either.

Why do I just fail at everything?

Yes, I know it is like 2:30 AM, but I want to blog right now, because, I just want to.

*Emotional post coming up, not much happiness, you have been warned*

Why do I fail at everything? Seriously. Why is it whenever I am faced with a social situation, be it a get together or anything, I always fail miserably at either meeting new people, starting new friendships, or even finding the possibility of love? I just fail. I end up trying to make the audience laugh but I just fall flat on my face. I hate what I do so much.

I don't have muscle, I admit it. I don't have gorgeous marble sculpture bodies that should be drooled over, and that makes me self-conscious. Everyone I run into in the college environment is either buff or skinny. There is no in-between, not at all. I feel like sometimes I should work out, but the pressure of making good grades takes its hold on me and I never get around to it. I want to, it's just let's face it, I'm lazy and self-conscious. Now, a good amount of people reading this will push this off and be like, "Oh Daniel, I have to deal with that stuff all day, what makes you so special?" I don't necessarily have an answer for that, but I can tell you I have been picked on and called names ever since I started 1st grade. 1st Grade. I haven't been the most popular kid, and I certainly never made top 10 kids in popularity, but I wish something I do could be noticed.

The reason this emotional rant stirred up is because I was at coffee night with a bunch of people, and I kept crushing on someone whom I have been crushing on for weeks. Only to find out later they are crushing on a total other person. If this wasn't enough, I looked like a socially awkward creeper, just trading glances with that person, and never sitting down and talking to them. They probably think I'm the dumbest and creepiest person in the world. God, I hate it when people dislike me. I HATE IT. I know it's fun to be different, but sometimes, it gets in the way of me having those relationships. I don't have initiative. I crush endlessly over someone, and when I finally get the courage to stand up and admit those feelings, they become either too late, or unrequited.

I guess I'll never find love. Yeah, that's a very fatalistic viewpoint in the realm of things, but come on. My relationship skills have been sucky at best. I had ONE relationship that lasted for all of 1 week. My other crush whom I expressed my feelings for flipped out on me and refused to speak to me for a year, and that had emotional backfire on me. Heck, I haven't even had my first kiss yet. I'm seen as either "too cute" or "too innocent" for people to want to join me when I want to let loose. When we went clubbing for instance, I tried to dance and have good time, but they were dancing somewhat away from me, and not really near me, like I'm the plague. I've been ridiculed my whole life about this stuff. I don't need friends who don't want to join me to just let loose.

No one will see me romantically. I guess I just need to suck it up and face the facts. I'm too soft, too scrawny, and too nerdy. I dream about having that one relationship that will take me away, one person that will return my feelings, but I get cheated out of it every single time. I try and I try and I try but nothing works. As stated before, I fail and end up looking like that socially awkward nimrod dancing in the corner. Sure, I may be funny, but what's that going to help me in the long run? Chances are I feel it won't.

Life really doesn't like me. And no, I'm not planning on offing myself, NOT AT ALL. That's a very very stupid decision and there's always another way. I just need to get my mind off of failed relationships and focus on school and "friends." That's all I can do. I can't let myself fall into these stupid traps that make me crush over someone just to fail spectacularly. Silver lining? I am really starting to doubt seeing you at all. I have these roller coaster type of days that seem to never end. It makes me incredibly frustrated into thinking what my next day will be like. I've just lost faith.

People who tell me that I have plenty of time for love, I know. I heard the whole routine before. I have just never had a relationship that lasted in my life, and most of them ended in nasty situations. I guess it's just like Tina Turner says, "What's love got to do with it? What's love, but a secondhand emotion? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"

Well, I guess I'd better get to bed. Goodnight world, and hopefully Thursday brings me some silver lining, or, for the love of all that is good, at least some bronze.

Oh Monday, Monday....

Man, this weekend just flew!

Well, Texas lost.... AGAIN, and hopefully they will stop losing in the near future. It kind of makes me mad that we've won most of our games against OU, just to have this one taken away. I guess OU really doesn't suck, athletically anyways...

I'm sitting here with Mary, who's awesome, and we are both trying to get at least some work done on this boring Monday. I have a Midterm today which I am not thrilled about in the slightest, but I'll make due... hopefully.

Well, depression has been somewhat of an issue, but I guess it always is for me. I just never know when days will get better because I keep focusing on the bunches and bunches of school work I have to do, and it snowballs. Then I get wrapped up in all of the finer things like studying and the like and I never look at things for the fun they really are! Oh well, it'll happen with just me I guess.

Houston hasn't changed at all. Because of the hustle and bustle of downtown, it took us like 4 and a half hours to get home this weekend. I drove down with Hilary, and we sang Disney songs, Sweeney Todd music, and a mix of pop music on the way, all the while having a BLAST! I felt extremely awkward at homecoming, as I felt like I didn't belong. I wasn't with the band anymore and I was just there. ( <--- That word coming up again isn't it?)

Anyways, I probably should study more for Mythology, and I've already had an interesting Rhetoric class today, so I'm hoping for a "2 in 1."

Have great days, y'all!

Goodness Gracious, what a week!

Yes, the title explains it all.

Well, hello everyone. I am currently sitting in the laundry room doing my laundry for my trip back to Houston tomorrow morning. It will really be nice seeing everybody again, because I miss them so much.

Anyways, as I am sure you are all aware, a shooter was at UT this past Tuesday. He apparently ran down Whitis, or something like that, firing bullets into the air before casually strolling into the PCL. He had an AK-47 mind you, so I still don't see how he could have got that through PCL security. Anyways, he walked to the 6th floor, opened fire (no one was hurt thank god), and shot himself fatally.

We were in lock-down whilst this happened. Of course, I was totally asleep at the time and just felt that I could get more sleep, which is great in my mind. We then woke up and checked our updates and learned that all of our classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. That made my day. Then a lot of friends came over and we played video games like the nerds we are. It was fun. Wednesday was the "Beat OU" rally, and they fired a cannon which made everyone duck for cover. Smooth UT, that wasn't too soon or anything... (Note the sarcasm)

Anyways, I have been having a crazy week so far and I know it'll get weirder. I already have tons of papers to write and it's stressing me out! And sorry y'all, still kinda depressed on the crush situation...

I hope y'all have a great weekend after tomorrow, and BEAT OU!!!

Save your drama for your mama!

Goodness! At least I had today off.

Hello y'all!

Well, today I went to all 5 of my classes and got bogged down with a ton of stuff, but mainly it's reading that I just need to go over. I'll probably head to the PCL tomorrow for a Greek Mythology study session. I need it. Can it be November? I want Thanksgiving, blackberry cobbler, and turkey with cranberry sauce. Jellied, not crushed please!

So yeah, about that downer post earlier... I was really depressed that day, whether it be from sugar loss, no food, or just depression in general, I don't know. What I do know is that I am susceptible to depression. I went to a Psychiatrist (after "the debacle"), and they said I was suffering from a little depression. I didn't know what happened, I was just in a slump for like the rest of my Junior Year. I didn't really like talking to anyone about it ("(his name) drama" as it was called), and if they brought it up, my heart would just sink. I never forgot about it, and I let it tug at my heart. I found myself singing sad songs and crying into my pillow late at night wanting it to end.

Then, more than a year after it happened, I bumped into him in the hallway. Usually at this point we just avoided each others' glares and kept walking like nothing happened at all. But this time, however, something was different. He said, "Hey DJ, (my nickname), I want to talk to you after school, sorry it took so long." My heart started beating faster and faster. I couldn't stop it. This was the closure I wanted, craved, and needed to be happy. Granted, I already had been somewhat over it throughout my Senior Year, which I accomplished so much during, be it All-State Band or Lead in the School Musical.

So I met him after school in the hallway, and we talked, talked, and talked until we couldn't anymore. Everything sorted out in the end, and we became friends again. However, as I talk to him on Facebook, I can't help but shake the feeling that there is still some sort of awkwardness between us two. We were best friends before that happened, so I guess it's like Lady Gaga says, "True friendship is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broke, but you can still see the cracks in it's reflection."

Anyways, I hope I gave you some insight into some of my personal life, if you were interested! Hope y'all have marvelous weeks! Wish me luck on studying.

Serious Time

Hello y'all,

Well, Texas lost, but I seem to be in a depressed mood about other things though.

I just recently made a new group of friends, and they seem to be relatively nice to me. However, I just feel like I don't fit in. At all. They don't usually talk to me unless someone comments on something or sees that I seem to be looking "emo." For example, today I went to go pick up some stuff from my friend and his friends, from said group, were surrounding him. They just stared at me and didn't really talk to me much when I picked up my stuff. Perhaps it was a mistake on my part thinking they were ignoring me, but I'm not really sure.

We went dancing last night. I thought I had fun when I first came back, but afterwards and today... I just felt separated from the group. I felt like people were just trying to dance with me just to be nice. They weren't really wanting to, they just were for the sake of it. My one friend tried to make me have a good time, and I told him I did, but as I look back, I felt I wasn't really there with REAL friends... friends that knew me, cared about me, and wanted to make sure I had a good time. I just felt like I was not an amazing person everyone loved like everyone else seemed to be....

And of course being the dumb person that I am I had to have a crush on someone when I was there. I hate crushing on people. I hate it so much. Mainly for the fact that I know they probably don't see me as attractive, they think I'm just.... there. The last time I majorly crushed on someone it ended horrifically, absolutely horrifically... I hate having feelings for people ever since then, as I know all of these feelings are never returned back to me. Oh well, that's how things work for me I suppose....

Anyways, I hope this wasn't as much of a downer post as I think it was, (which it probably was), but I hope y'all have a good rest of the weekend.

Essay Time = NO BUENO

See? I told you I would stop with the song titles soon!

Anyways, I'm sitting her on the 4th floor of the PCL, about to plunge head-first into writing my Essay 1.1 for Rhetoric. It's so nice here because I can barely hear anything else but the roars of buses. No one talking, or saying anything. It's so nice!

Anyways, I will probably be here for at least 3 hours writing this paper. I would do it in my dorm, but I just cannot concentrate because my roommate doesn't know how to be quiet! He plays video games that are atrociously loud and can't be quiet! It's so very annoying.

Well, I know this is a short post, but I did get a 96 on my Astronomy Test 2! There was a 10 point curve, but I'm not complaining! I'll be so very glad when I'm not stressed out like this anymore.

Anyways, have a marvelous Thursday y'all!

Under Pressure! Pushing Down On Me!

OK, maybe I won't stop with the song titles anytime soon.

Well, as the title says, I feel as if I am under mountains and mountains of pressure. It seems like I have so much to do, and not enough time to do it! My roommate is noisily playing Halo: Reach with his friend over Xbox Live, and it's kinda interrupting my otherwise peaceful study habits.

The bad thing is, I get so much more work done when he's gone to Dallas. I could finish all of my work in record time, now it just takes me forever. It's endless I suppose...

I have an Astronomy Test on Wednesday, Research Summary #4 due for Rhetoric on Wednesday, and Readings for Mythology due. Also, Meeting of the Minds Component 1 is due this Thursday. Once again, I know this is just college life eating away at me, but I knew this week would come.

These days of work and no work come in waves, and thank goodness I only have UGS class tomorrow. In case I decide to be a little lazy tonight, which probably won't happen anyway, it's nice to have an extra day.

Anyways, hope y'all had a MARVELOUS Monday, and I hope you look forward to the rest of the week! (I know I won't!)

I've Got Sunshine, On a Cloudy Day!

I promise I will stop with the song titles sometime soon.

Anyways, I am currently sitting in the FAC waiting for Mythology class in about 20 minutes, and I seriously gasped at all of the work I have to turn in soon.

- Rhetoric Research Summary #3 & 4
- MotM stuff that seems never ending
- Astronomy readings
- Mythology readings

Goodness, it's a monster! Well, that's what college is I suppose. Tons of work that you fit in to your schedule of social activities and fitness, but what I have now is just work. I haven't been socializing much. My friend had to pull me out of my dorm room to go to a social outing because I have been stuck in my room, (Playing Birth by Sleep, mind you)

By the way, I have included a picture of me with the game just so the people reading have some inkling of what I'm talking about. I really need to exercise though. I just don't want to leave my dorm though, as I'm always figuring out what I need to do next and trying to "1-up" my work.

Oh well, it's the life of a college kid I suppose. The UT vs. Texas Tech game is this weekend. Maybe I'll watch it, maybe. Gosh, I'm the worst fan in the world!

Anyways, have marvelous weekends you guys and thanks for reading as always. (If there's anyone reading this.)

What's Love Got to Do With It?

OK, so I totally have a paper for Rhetoric I should be starting on and some Mythology and Astronomy readings that should be done, but I'd rather talk about a "fun" issue for me. Love.

Well, for me, believe it or not, I want love. I want it more than anything. It's one of those lifetime goals I hope it achieve. But I feel like no one has any attraction towards me whatsoever. I feel dumb and nerdy. Well, maybe I'm being too over critical of myself, but I feel as though I want to find love sometime.

OK, so moving on from my depressive stuff, my roommate is trying to explain Halo: Reach to me, and I'm like not understanding it at all. It's a whole mess of science fiction and everything else. Granted, I hate shooter games, but it still seems somewhat interesting. The game literally looks like a movie.

Birth by Sleep time! I finished Aqua's story and the final episode, her at level 42, and basically beat the game. I still have the fun post-game stuff to do, but I thought it was a very fun ride whilst it lasted.

Anyways, I probably should start reading or writing for college, but oh, how those distractions are so very tempting!

Loaded with Work

College is definitely going to be the end of me.

It seems like every class I go to is just work piling on top of work. I can't ever break out of the cycle, and it's just endless. Some of these days I feel like ripping my hair out, but do I? Nope.

I guess one of the things I've learned here at college is time management skills. Now, most of you reading will be saying things like, "Well duh, Daniel, that's what college is about!" Yes, I understand all the ins and outs of a college freshman so far, but I now know the true meaning of the words "time management."

I have been focused on as soon as I get done with my abysmal 4 class days on Wednesday and Friday, (all 5 on Monday), I try to get my Homework done right then and there, no matter how dumb it seems. I also want to go to bed when I get back, but work is my main priority besides sleep.

Anyways, it's nerd time! I have been playing Birth by Sleep little to none these two days, and I am level 34 with Aqua at the moment! I am just going to level her up to 50 before I take on the final boss, as that seems like the most reasonable thing to do. I sure hope my strategy guide makes it in the mail soon!

Anyways, after this serious post, I'll try to lighten things up in the future. Have a great week y'all!

Hook 'em!

Well, the first home game has came and went, and I didn't go. And we won.

Yeah, that could be considered sacrilegious, but I had tons of fun with my friends in their dorm room. I am now watching this FX show called "The League." It's pretty funny.

I have so much work to do tomorrow, it will really be a chore, and Monday's are always my bad days. I need to get my UGS group together, and we need to work on our Unit, as it's due tomorrow. I'm so definitely scared, but I got a 100 on an ASTRONOMY TEST!! I was so excited.

Well, I must get ready for bed and for my HW tomorrow. FUN STUFF!! Bye y'all!

BIRTH BY SLEEP!

Yes y'all, I did get it, and I'm pretty much 66% done with it! Only one more story left to complete!

Anyways, away from the dork talk.

I have tons of things and projects to think about as the year goes on, and I will definitely have a ton of things to study for and my first Astronomy test is tomorrow! I'm really nervous, but I feel I have a pretty good feel on the material. So I am just going to do my best and hope for the best I suppose.

I have a good amount of projects and the like in UGS, with Meeting of the Minds, a sort of research project with survey methods. It seems like it's going to be horrendous, but I'll try my best!

Well, I must eat some amazing Mac and Cheese, study some more for Astronomy, and watch George Lopez!

Labor Day Phantasmagoria!!

Hey y'all! (Fun title right?)

Anyways, happy Labor Day to you all and I hope you guys had WONDERFUL breaks from school, and if you didn't I deeply apologize.

Today was pretty boring until 6 pm. I basically stayed in my dorm playing video games and watching TV until 6 rolled around. I then went over to my friends dorm and we watched "The Hangover" and ate Pizza and Tiff's Treats <-- (Best cookies in Austin, I KID YOU NOT).

Well y'all, tomorrow is the big day. Hopefully I get Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep tomorrow. I've been making sure not to get my hopes too high, but even that is becoming a humongous challenge! I really hope God loves me!

Anyways, school starts back up again tomorrow in full swing, and I'm going early morning shopping with my friend so she can grab some Sorority stuff. It's going to be fun! Have a great beginning to the week y'all! Toodles!

Geek is Chic!

Hello world!

Well, I don't have any boss Mac and Cheese right now so this will be just a little bit depressing.

My roommate is gone for the three day weekend. He'll be driving back Monday and arriving probably late that night. It's weird without him being here. Very strange.

My Friday dragged on into oblivion, classes seemed like they would never end, and after that final class was over in Mythology... I was done. I basically played video games and read a bit and that's about it for Friday.

Today was really fun! I went to an Arcade in up-city (I guess?) Austin called Arcade UFO. They had so many really cool fighting games there. I had so much fun with my friends Mary and Ronnie! We were screaming and yelling during our Street Fighter matches and having a ball. Then, the competitive players came in and promptly, we left.

I was greeted by my new black rimmed glasses which I love as I walked into my dorm. They are so nice but will definitely be hard to get used to. Approximately 2 days until it's Birth by Sleep day. I'm really excited and cannot wait. I asked the clerk if they'd get it in on Tuesday and they said they would, so I am holding them accountable.

Anyways, thanks for reading y'all and have a great and safe Labor Day weekend!

College Life: START!!

As I sit here, enjoying my absolutely delicious Easy Mac made by my college microwave, I start to reminisce about my first week of college that has gone floating by.

I was definitely EXTREMELY nervous when it came to meeting my roommate, as I could get anyone from a crazy psychopath to a goody-goody like myself, which couldn't be a good combination. Turns out though, I lucked out. My roommate's very nice, funny, and he likes video games as much as I do, so he seems to be a great roommate to kick off my new chapter of life. It definitely beats having to tell my friends back in my hometown horror stories, that's for sure.

My classes have been okay thus far. Two of my classes got canceled yesterday, so I was very lucky in that regard. College seems to be a whole lot tougher than High School. So much work, but yet, so much free time. I spent like all of my time in my dorm room yesterday because I had like nothing to do at all; no homework, studying, or anything. So, I did what I normally do, which is play video games all night.

I currently am looking forward to Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep. It's a PSP game where these characters travel to Disney worlds and try to fight evil and save the world. You know, that old chestnut. It comes out next Tuesday and I found a really cool gaming store in Dobie and it truly made my life finding it there.

Oh, goodness this Mac and Cheese is good. Well, I must be off to finish some other work and maybe go visit the library! Toodles!