Before you read, this is not going to be a sunshine lollipops and rainbows post, just because the title is all fun and stuff. It's going to be depressing.... ONCE AGAIN. You have been forewarned.
Well, I have officially done it again. Deej is once again in a dark, mustering, deep state of depression. And you know what? The situation is the same as before, and I am not even joking. Another one of those build you up moments life throws at you, only for you to realize later that the pitcher threw the ball a little too fast and nailed you right in the face. It seems like every time I go up to bat, I get built up just to get nailed in the face, but I get granted a walk anyways, which seems to ease it out of me, in the form of my best friends. At least they are there to cheer for me no matter what...
Now, I'd rather not go into details about things as of late, because it is a very touchy subject, but just know that all it was was me liking someone and then my hopes and dreams were crushed. That's all. That's all I really want to divulge at the moment, as it is still pretty personal to me anyways.
Oh well, what am I going to do now? Give up? That seems like the more reasonable solution, I mean, it seems life can't ever give me a break... This doesn't help the whole "try and try to fail" scenario I mentioned earlier, and doesn't go to help my self-esteem anyways. Now, my self-esteem has hit Rock Bottom, and no, not from a return trip from "Glove World," mind you.
I try everyday to look up, and as of recently I was looking upwards, high towards the sky, aiming high and flying just as high as I could, but the Icarus inside myself got the better of me, and I plummeted down, down, down. However, for me, I didn't get a Sea named after me, which I think would've cushioned the blow in the long run.
I love my friends so much. You have no idea. They help me get through the rough patches like now, but sometimes I think there are tons that I have to sort out myself... stuff I need to overcome and look past in order to aim high for the future, but, as soon as I did, it decides to happen again, complete with a "MERRY FRICKIN' CHRISTMAS" attached to the label of this "happy" gift.
Ah well, it seems I'll never be able to catch a break in this world, as I'm just bound to live in depression. EVERY time I look up, it slaps me across the face from dreaming too high, and I go back to my bedroom not even wanting dinner that night. Nowadays, I just want to sit and cry,but whenever I cry, it seems no tears want to flow. It's like I want to cry, and have every reason to, but I just can't. It's basically dry heaving with crying... I'm not joking.
Sure you can laugh all of this post up and be like "Oh Deej try again..." but it's like trying again at one of my crazy video games, after my "3rd times a charm rule," it's pretty much done. At least now I learned something.
My heart will always be worn on my sleeve, but now it seems I need to pull it up higher and closer to me, so it doesn't get broken every. single. time.
Ah well, Merry Christmas, Daniel, and a Happy New Year. My New Year's Resolution you ask? Try desperately not to fall too head over heels again.
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