I Do Hate To Complain...

So... this last weekend has not been so hot.

To start things off, I broke up with my boyfriend. Yeah. I did. Me, who bitched and moaned about actually getting one realized that I only liked him because he liked me. I ended up calling him and trying to tell him after I spent the night at his place. So, I basically crushed his hopes and dreams.

So yeah, that was fun. :/

Today, I went on a very interesting bus ride with my friend, Mary. Our plan as to go to Best Buy to pre-order my copy of Arkham City so that I could get the Robin Character DLC, we end up going, getting on the bus and taking a giant round trip around town until we get back. We end up walking back to Cypress and getting food when I realized I forgot my ID and KEY on the bus. I was literally floored.

I called the Bus Station but they JUST closed. I will have to wait a couple of days to see if the lost and found finds it, but I'm expecting the worst. Which means I'll have to pay $85 dollars total for a new ID and a lock change. Which isn't fun at all.

I don't like weekends like this. They don't make me happy. I was having a grand old time last weekend, but this weekend kinda just bombed. Ah, well, C'est La Vie I suppose, or something to that effect anyways.

Please excuse my long complaint,

~This is Deej, signing off.

Confidence Is Key. Key To What, You Tell Me.

So, I think I've said more expletives in the past couple of days than I have in my entire 19 years of living. Not saying that is a bad thing though.

It's funny how whenever you come back somewhere, be it school, work, or wherever from a break, everyone decides that they need to say something that's changed about you. Has anyone else noticed that? It's like, you come back after a while and all of the sudden, "Oh, you grew," or "Oh, I like your hair!" It's never anything more than meaningless jibber-jabber that people use to get conversations going, that's why it's mostly focused on physical aspects, never emotional.

It's kind of strange though whenever you do come back and someone tells you, "Daniel, you've gotten sassy!!"

Have I? Because I don't really notice any differences.

I guess I owe it to my summer. Working those long, hot, sweaty days at Joe's Crab Shack definitely helped my confidence level go up. I mean, sometimes I just had to stand up for myself and "take control of my table," a phrase used by many an employee trainer speaking of how you must be the one taking the order, not receiving it. I struggled with this tactic, not going to lie. It was hard. For all of my life I had been very subservient in nature, bending to others' wills and doing whatever they wanted me to just so I could guarantee their friendship and closeness to me.

However, in the world of Serving Food, you can't be submissive. Like, at all. You have to tell your customers what is on what, how much is on what, and how much stuff is. You need to be on your A-game 100% of the time. However, sometimes it definitely felt like 110% to me. So, I kept putting in that 110% and I finally came out a winner I guess. By the end of my career as a waiter, I was taking orders like nobody's business and trying my absolute hardest to be the best I could.

I did notice one thing throughout my journey though... I was getting an attitude. I would be sassy sometimes with my co-workers during conversation about stuff, and I'd be very "in-your-face" about anything that was on my mind. I didn't know what to think. I had told myself I was going to change this summer, I just was surprised at the volume of the whole shebang.

So, I left Joe's Crab Shack, head held high and happy that I was done with them for good. I strutted to my car on the final day of work, I was literally elated to be done. My drive home was the biggest victory celebration I'd ever had. I literally danced like a maniac whilst driving all the way home.

When talking with my friends back home after I was done working, they noticed I was being a lot "fiercer," if you will. I was being upfront with my opinions, and my tongue was becoming razor-sharp and biting if I didn't like someone. I was little taken aback by what had happened to me. Was this a good thing? Was I going to be able to hold through with this? Eh, I figured I'd put it off until I'm back at UT.

So, in the end, I came back to college, READY TO LEARN like always. Anyways, as I hung out with some old and new friends, I got the feeling I was doing something different. They didn't look at me the same way, not in a bad way, just in a different way. I finally asked the incredibly dumb question, "Have I changed?" The overwhelming response was a ear-splitting "YES." They told me how I've gotten sassier, and more confident. I have been swearing almost ever other word. However, they liked it, they actually liked it.

I was being confident, and you know what world, it felt good.

It was so nice to be able to say what I wanted to say, whilst still being me. I could still be the cute Deej that I always was, but I am much more finger-waggin' now. Heck, my confidence even landed me some dates with a really nice guy. ( That's another blog post, though. ;P )

I guess I have learned how confidence really is key. Key to what, I'm still not sure on that subject, but I think I'm being pointed in the right direction.

And you know what? I'm actually genuinely happy with my life right now. Really. I'm not lying. And I've got to say it's the best feeling in the world.

~This is Deej, signing off.