Wow, well, haven't I been a terrible person recently? I'm sorry to anyone who was looking forward to a new chapter in the "Daniel Saga" this last week. I just wasn't feeling a blog entry at the moment. Now, as I am on my Asian Religion Final Study Break, I might as well start up a blog post... so, here I go!
It is currently December 7th 2010, and I am sitting in my room trying to study for my Asian Religion Final tomorrow at 2 PM. It's gonna be a fun afternoon, because these terms are probably going to be taking over my life for the next 24 hours, hopefully I'll have some study breaks thrown in there, haha!
Doesn't studying suck?
It's like, every time you want to study, a song pops into your head, or, you think about something that you forgot to do and it keeps eating away at your mind every single time you try to go back to study. It's absolutely terrible... UGH! That's been happening to me a lot recently, and it annoys the crazy out of me to the point where I wanna just scream..... into a pillow of course, my voice travels enough as it is.
Anyways, who wants to talk about Depression!?!?!?
Well, it's really not all that bad recently. I have gotten so much better about it all over the last week. It's just every time I'm about to go to bed, my mind starts to wander, and within that wandering, it gets to the depressing stuff. The stuff about unattractiveness and weakness starts to set in, and I reach the ever-present conclusion that I will never find love. I try as hard as I can to push these thoughts away and think about things like video games are the like, but I just never can... it makes me incredibly irritated... but there's just like nothing I can do...
My depression comes and goes like the waves on a beach. They get really high and my depression peaks to the point where I'm literally going to crash myself. Sometimes, it's a calm day and I can run around and splash about with some casual waves just slightly tugging at the bottom of my heels with its undertow. However, ever since I've been at college, it's been the former. My depression has peaked on multiple occasions to the point where I just don't even wanna go to the beach, because
- I'll burn
- I don't look that great in a swimsuit
- Those waves would kill me
Anyways, I tell myself that "Daniel, you need to take a chance today, no matter what, you must run out there and face those waves with a sense of determination." But see, I tell myself this every morning before I head off to that beach, and I get swamped EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It's like no matter how big of a surfboard I buy, I will always fall flat on my face and end up scraping myself on the coral that grows just below me.
Wow, happy metaphor there wasn't it? >.<
Me and love aren't on good terms right about now. I wish it could be better, and once again, I tell myself everyday that I must look forward to the future, but as of now... it becomes bleak, faded, and full of mystery.
Plus, who would like me with all of this baggage they see me with if they would ever read this blog? Yeah, I may be nice, but I just wish someone would see me as attractive, and if not now... I guess I just have to keep on waiting, (Waiting). Waiting on the World to Change.
But as I know the World doesn't like to change for me. I'm a depression prone individual who doesn't like confrontation and who secretly vows for love but can never end up grabbing it in the process or making something out of himself. Should I just stop trying?
I can hope I find the answer to this one soon.
As of right now, I'm just gonna try to avoid the beach altogether, but maybe take a chance if someone wants to come alongside me and tell me that everything's going to be alright.
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