Well, where do I begin?
What is it about me that makes me so darn not prone to any relationships whatsoever? Every single time I look for a relationship or am pressed with the opportunity to get one, I fail. Yeah, it's gonna be another eventful blog post.
It all started Friday night. I was playing video games with my friend and suddenly I get a call asking to go out. Now, I had plans to go out Saturday, but under much coaxing, I succumbed. We ended up going to a "Zombie" themed party, and they were giving out zombie face paint, and alcoholic beverages littered the area like clouds in a mostly cloudy sky. The thing is though, whilst everyone else was having a good time... I didn't drink, I didn't dance, and the only thing I did get done was get my face painted to look like a zombie. That turned into a trip to a local club, where I danced for a good amount of time, and had an overall "meh" day. Why can't my days ever be totally awesome? I always feel as though I don't realize how truly great days are, there's just always that ONE THING.
So this afternoon I went with some friends to pick up more items for my costume. It went well, but I felt like I was only connecting with a few. I felt left out. Yes, I'm sorry this has come up again, but it did, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's inescapable for me. After spending an ungodly amount of money getting things for me, I finally came back to my room and relaxed until a friend came over and we got ready for Halloween.
6th Street was a mess. Crowds littered the street, dressed like "slutty" Disney characters or psychotic clowns. You could barely walk, and I mean, yeah it was interesting and all, but I didn't see the fun in all of it... By the way, no one recognized my costume besides my friends.... NO ONE.
So, we end up going back to the club I went to on Friday night. As we are getting are dance on, I feel someone "grinding" up on me. Me, being the sheepish, innocent one that I am, back off and try to understand what he was saying. I didn't know what to do. So this person ends up grinding on my friend, all the while telling him how cute and shy I am. REALLY? I finally see someone that seems to show a little smidgen of interest in me, and I back away. My friends were asking me after our club experience why I didn't dance back and take advantage of the situation. I personally did not know. I couldn't answer them. And there I was again, the awkward loser who can't make anything out of a social situation.
Also, WHY, for the love of God, right when I am having a good time, I have to see him. The one person, who caused me at least days of grief back in September, I see walk into the club. My friend tells me that he walked in, and my expression changed. I didn't want to have this happen. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want these memories of awkwardness to creep back into my life and take a tight grip on me like they always have. However, the memories' grip was too strong. My feelings of awkwardness I had put aside had returned, and now, nothing was going to stop me from being depressed. Yes, before you ask, many looks were exchanged between the two of us, some I couldn't tell if he was looking at me, but I know a couple of times I caught him looking at me. WHY must life punish me like this?
Heading back after a very awkward last half of the night at the club, we end us waiting for the E-Bus. The sort of bus that karts away the drunkards back to their dorms so they can sleep and wake up with the hangovers they have accumulated throughout the night. The doors getting into the bus were like zombies fighting over brains in a young human. Drunk college kids were pushing, shoving, knocking others, and doing whatever was possible to get into the bus. As the ensuing chaos raged on, I mulled over many topics in my mind, as I am right now typing this entry.
Why is it that there always has to be one thing that ruins my day? Why do I always think sunshine when all I am going to get in the end is sunshine with a sudden downpour? Awkwardness is my weakest point, I admit that. But WHY does it have to get in the way of everything.... EVERYTHING?!?!
Oh well, I have much studying to do tomorrow, and hopefully I will not run into this problem again as I am looking over Mythology notes.
Goodnight everyone, and Happy Halloween.
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