Taking My Own Advice & Tinkerbell Syndrome

You know how earlier I have talked about one of my biggest problems is over-analyzing myself? I think another of my greatest problems is taking my own advice.

Let's face it, all of us can "dish it out." However, I believe only a select few can actually grab the gumption to stick it out and taste what we are serving. We can all be the shoulder to cry on, and we all offer advice that we have been trying to come up with for days, but it seems like we can never take that advice. We can listen and say, "It'll all be okay," but we can never listen to what we are saying... we just end up spouting off nonsense that we think will make the crying person's tears dry up.

I've learned that I need to start taking my advice a bit more. These blog entries, I say what I need to do, but I NEVER GO OUT AND DO IT. I say I need to stick my neck out and risk it every once in a while, but I can't. I say that I should be focused on myself and not give a rat's behind about what other people think, but I just can't make myself believe that information. There is something stopping my brain from putting it into practice, and I don't know what that is.

I say that I don't need to be loved from others or I can just be myself and people who love me will love me. But I feel like I am like Tinkerbell in some regard....

I'll die if I'm not told I'm wanted, loved, or needed almost every day.

I feel like a total B**** whenever I write that, and I hate myself for it. But I mean, here I am pouring my heart out for others, telling them I love them each and every day, and I don't get any response back.... I don't know why but it hurts.

Chelsea (one of my Biffles) and I were driving around Austin in her car after Lady Gaga, (Which was AMAZING, by the way), and we were just saying that, "You know what would make my day? If one person just randomly texted me out of the blue, saying, 'I love you,' that would make my day instantaneously." I wholeheartedly agreed.

I mean, I must sound super uppity right now, and I apologize if I am, but it just kind of makes me mad that I can pour my heart and soul into people and not feel loved back. I don't know what it is in me.

Ah well, perhaps I need to start taking my own advice and have a headstrong attitude about things, but we'll see how life wants to go for me.

~This is Deej, signing off.