Naïveté

As a child, I only saw the world in black and white. There was good, and there was bad. There was happy, and sad. There were no grey areas that blurred the lines. I also believed that true love conquered all and that I would have a happy ending someday and ride off into the sunset with the one I love. I strove to make these beliefs and aspirations real. I did everything I could to prevent myself from seeing the world through different eyes. I didn't want to change my viewpoint that had gotten me this far, but as I approached high school, that started to change.

In high school, I would do nothing but go home, sit on my computer, and browse the internet constantly. The internet seemed to be like my home away from home. I could just sit there and browse and browse the impossible limits of the internet until I found something that amused me for more than a couple minutes. It was nice, and I believed that this is what everybody else in high school did too. I thought everybody else was "goody-goody" like me and weren't doing anything like... dare I say it, have SEX, or DRINK ALCOHOL. Those I thought were taboo in high school, but I was dead wrong.

After going on many band trips and gossiping the night away with my fellow roommates, I learned indeed that my life did indeed pale in comparison to these other high school kids. Some of these students were having sex at insane rates, drinking almost every weekend, and going out to party instead of doing their schoolwork. I now understood why so many kids never got their work turned in on time, a fact that always boggled me.

Still, I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to think. I thought that everybody else in this dramatic cesspool of a place known as high school was doing whatever they could to succeed, but I was wrong.

So it was with this that my naïve outlook on life was indeed hit with a heavy blow, and I was faced with the struggle of becoming that realist who doesn't believe in those happy endings or fairy tale-esque loves, or continuing to wish on those stars and believe in those happy endings. It was such a struggle that I didn't really place my beliefs on life anywhere until after high school and just recently in college.

After going through the things I have been through, and experiencing a lot of new things firsthand, I've realized that this naïve nature on life is what I'd rather have. And I mean, not so much that I think that certain races are better than others or anything like that, but I mean about my outlook on love. I don't feel that giving up on looking for the fairy-tale ending is going to help me out. Sure, it might not be the best way to look at things, but at least I'm not giving up. I want to wish and hope that my "Prince Charming" will be there for me when the time is right. That way, I can gleefully get swept off of my feet and put into the carriage, pumpkin and all, and we can drive into the sunset, all the while, me knowing that my childhood was indeed right, and I'm actually going to live happily ever after.

~This is Deej, signing off.