I have just recently moved back to Austin, TX to start my Sophomore Year of college. It's definitely a surreal experience I can tell you that. I don't know really how to feel sometimes. I mean today, I have gone from getting crazy excited with my roommate about the amazing violin player living next door, to moping around and hating myself because I don't have a boyfriend whilst everyone else in the world seemingly does.
I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's the Libra in me that wants to so deeply analyze my life. Maybe it's the Scorpio in me that feels so strongly in these decisions that every single one of them feels like life or death. I personally don't know world, but honestly I think it's a little of both.
I was researching my astrological sign today just because I wanted to. I mean, being bored on a Monday before school starts merits some Internet merriment, right?
I found out that I am on the Libra / Scorpio cusp, which puts me at the position where I am one of the most emotional, overpowering, and apparently vicious people you could ever meet. I read some of my traits out loud and did what everyone else does whilst reading daily astrological readings: "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO ME." However, this one was pretty accurate. This didn't exactly make me a very happy camper when I learnt I wasn't that great of a person.
I mean it said that I was very strong willed and willing to get things done when the time needed it. However, it also said I have trouble letting go and looking towards the future. I immediately felt my heart drop.
I mean, it's true, I do have trouble letting things go. Things that hurt me deeply take years for me to fully let go, but they do wither away into obscurity eventually. It just takes many hours of me moaning and wailing in my bed whilst hugging my pillow to finally do so. However, it's not like I can change this aspect of myself. I know that I'm always going to be over-emotional, and I know I'm always going to have incredibly difficult times getting over things. Time is my worst enemy I presume.
Anyways, as I sit here, low on my daily chocolate intake, I write from a very similar perspective like always. My famous Bipolarity about having such great friends and not having a boyfriend or significant other.
I wish I could stop this vicious cycle of self-loathing, but this Scorpio side in me is not going to let go of any emotional feelings that happen to drum up inside of me. It's just not going to happen. I mean, I even get emotional when someone mentions their boyfriend or something. I feel like it's something I'm missing out on, some secret club that I'm not a part of, some secret society that won't let me in.
My Libra side likes to show its ugly face in not letting me tell people that I love them and being indecisive about issues. I want everything to be perfect. I want the world to open up to me and for nothing wrong to happen in my life, however, my Scorpio side rears its ugly head and sends me into these stages where I am just self-loathing.
Personally, I think Astrology is a really neat subject, and maybe the stars do have some impact on the way you work and act, but also your upbringing I think factors into that as well. I personally like reading them for the heck of it, I just think it's fun to see if those horoscopes predict daily events that actually occur in my life. Astrology is definitely fun, but with all of these aspects from this Cusp I was born on, I'm not too keen on myself anymore.
However, at least it said I was attractive and sexy.
~This is Deej, signing off.
No comments:
Post a Comment