Long Time No Blog

Yeah, don't tell me. I already know I'm long overdue for one of these.

Jeez, I cannot believe it's already been a month already since my last update. I do apologize wholeheartedly, time just flies I guess and I've never been in a writing mood I suppose.

So, I'm deciding to go all out with this blog. I want to get some things off my chest and say some things that I have been thinking about recently. I don't know. I just want to talk. Hopefully that's fine by you dear reader.

So, as the year has been dragging on and on, I have been noticing a few things happening. Maybe they are just subtle things, but they are still things nonetheless.

I feel like my roommate and I aren't close anymore.

It's just awkward now. Day in and day out I come in, sometimes I find him studying on his computer, working ever so diligently on his laptop on Physics or Calculus, and I try to talk to him, but he seems so intent on his studying I try not to bother him. I don't want to be a bother, but I make ever so slight remarks to try to get him to talk to me, to try to go back to that kinship that we once had last semester, but I don't think it's working.

I do care about him still. Not as intently as I did last semester, mind you, but, I guess we are drifting now, and I'm just now noticing all of the signs. We rarely hang out outside of the dorm room together, and we just go live our separate lives. Him with his boyfriend, and me with mine (more on that in another blog post).

Maybe it's just something I can't control. Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe whenever you live with someone long enough the ties don't hold as tightly because when you aren't living together, you long to see each other. Now, you wake up to see them every single day. You see their every thought, you witness their morning cycle, and most importantly, you see who they really are.

I'm sure my true colors have been shown to him on many occasions, and believe me, I'm not the best person in the world sometimes, and I've seen his true colors too. Not that they are bad or anything, I mean, he's a really sweet guy, but I can just never read him.

He never tells me anything anymore.

I just don't know about his life anymore. Whenever something big happens and he is depressed, he doesn't like to tell me about it. Maybe I'm being too pushy. Maybe I'm just too curious for my own good.

I wasn't like this with my roommate last year. I didn't know crap about his life unless he wanted to tell me, however, after living with him for half a year, he opened up like a book to me. I could ask him about anything and he let me know what was up.

Perhaps my roommate now is different. Perhaps he's not the same personality as my other roommate was. I don't know. I feel like if I room with people I want them to share any and everything with me. I want to know what is paining them. I want to giggle over dumb shit, eat popcorn, and talk about life together.

Is that too much to ask?

Maybe it is. I hate to be one to pry, so I guess I should just leave him alone. Maybe I should only talk to him when he feels like talking. However, my nature isn't going to let me do that I don't think. My crazy self isn't going to let me lay low and just take it. I just want to know what is wrong sometimes. I want to comfort him in whatever way I can...... however...... I guess that's not my job, is it?

I guess I need to just worry about my own life. I need to stop focusing on other people. I need to stop..........

I literally just stopped and stared at my keyboard for a second. I'm not sure what to do. GAH, this is just super crazy emotional blog post right now and I do apologize. This is not what the world needs in a return post from Daniel Freaking Jenkins.

More on my Halloween and Birthday Adventures in the coming posts, and I promise to update this a *bit* more regularly. Until then...

~This is Deej, signing off.