I Need To Stop Doing This To Myself

Well, I just got finished watching 127 Hours. It's definitely an inspirational movie that I recommend for anyone to go and watch, but it made me think about my life in some views that might not be extreme, but are definitely worth noticing...

I think I realized that I need to stop making myself feel unhappy.

Now, after you are finished snickering at how stupid this idea is, think about it. After something hurts you so much, that you go into those dark deep spiraling states of depression every time you think about it, and maybe it involves a person, you can't help yourself but visit their Facebook or Twitter to see how they are doing. They are probably doing better than you could ever have. They are probably happy, whilst you are drowning in your own self-pity for being unhappy.

I need to stop doing this to myself. I don't know why, (and I may be the only one like this, I don't know), but I feel like sometimes I just keep crawling back to the people / things that hurt me just to check up on them. I feel like a creeper, trying to keep an eye on his or her life as they continue to be happy whilst I wallow in depression.

Then, it happens.

I end up seeing pictures or a status something, of them in their new life that makes them happy, when I can never get over my stupid life and how dumb it plays out. I get depressed, and I can't help myself from seeing these people and looking at them all the time... and wondering how they are doing compared to me... and it hurts.

I don't know why I do this, I just do. I feel like sometimes I need to swear off this and stop talking to these people, but when these people are so close to you, what else are you gonna do? Stop talking to them? Sometimes I feel as though that is the only plausible solution, but I can't do that. However, I can talk to them less and less, I suppose, but that will ultimately just make me fall away from them... and the hurt that I feel whenever I see some of these people never washes away, and sometimes I just want to push them out of my life and wish we had never met.......

I don't know, World, sometimes I feel I am much too emotional for my own good. And, it's probably true, however, I'm not going to change me, I'm not going to change myself so the world can see me and I can truly "fit in."

I am going to be as emotional as I want, but I will pull back on many different occasions and just look at life and say, "Well... shucks, Daniel, please don't be emotional right now. People don't need that." I will try my hardest not to make others wallow in my depression as well, as much of these are my own battles that need to be fought.

Ah well. World, I'm trying my hardest every single day. And I'm thankful for everybody in my life who has been so wonderful to me and are always trying to make my day better...... it truly means everything to me.